I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
