Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
