you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
