she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
vagina is talking i cant
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
