Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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