I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
