it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
