Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
