how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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