I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
