I will die if light touches me.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
