Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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