sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
