Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
