Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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