ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
