matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
