There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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