I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
