Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
