Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
