you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
