dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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