i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
