I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
