you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
