after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
