Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
