I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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