If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
