Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
