i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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