Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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