I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
