Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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