Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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