so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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