Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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