He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
