The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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