There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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