you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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