After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
