Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
