Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
