I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
handjob tips. give me some.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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