Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
