I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
