im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
