i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
