I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
