hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Small penises have feelings too.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
