You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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