i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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