Will you blow on my dice?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
