If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
