remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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